I Hate The Internet: Craigslist

January 22, 2010
By Jackson Miller

I Hate The Internet is a Torch Feature explor­ing the deep­est, dark­est crevices in the fat rolls of the bloated wastrel known as The Internet.  While we spend all of our time on it, every now and then we find some­thing so point­less, bizarre, or abom­inable that we feel com­pelled to regur­gi­tate it onto our ador­ing audience.

The inter­net is a double-edged sword.  On one hand, it helps to con­nect peo­ple who might oth­er­wise be alone in the world (peo­ple who believe them­selves to be drag­ons, for exam­ple).  It helps a guy in Amsterdam sell­ing used ladies’ under­wear find an enthu­si­as­tic busi­ness man in Japan.  It even helps the FBI put young men in jail for acci­den­tally down­load­ing kid­die porn a year ago.

Some peo­ple were never meant to find what they were look­ing for.  These peo­ple tend to con­gre­gate on craigslist.org and post things like this:

Definitely not posted by a gay man

For our more Puritan read­ers, “jo” is an acronym mean­ing “jerk off” or “jack off” (depend­ing on where you’re from).  I think I could have spent my entire life with­out see­ing this post, the rather impres­sive model train set des­tined to be ruined by “stomp­ing” and badly-aimed ejac­u­late, and the aging man whose nip­ples and chest hair seem to be con­fig­ured into the face of an owl on his chest.

But, sadly, some dick­hole named Craig had to make a list of peo­ple like this.  Honestly, you thought let­ting absolutely any­one ask mil­lions of other peo­ple for exactly what they want was a good idea?  Let’s all agree to go back to Victorian England, where desires were hid­den under pet­ti­coats and repressed until they resulted in mass hys­te­ria, amne­sia, and dissociation.

Here are some other rea­sons craigslist makes me hate the internet:

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