News

Emory mascot promotes anorexia, feminists claim

Emory mascot promotes anorexia, feminists claim

“We're sick of the way our society tries to make these celebrities feel beautiful. Kate Moss, Paris Hilton—they're skin and bones, and it's disgusting,” said group leader Ashleigh Melton during an ill-advised blind date with a hapless Torch reporter Friday. “Thousands of womyn die from eating disorders every year, and Emory has...

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Students can’t focus, blame LearnLink

Students can’t focus, blame LearnLink

LearnLink, the communication and e-mail software connecting students and faculty, has become the scapegoat for Emory students struggling with declining productivity, supposedly causing massive disruptions throughout the day and extending the time required to complete homework by as much as 300%.

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Freshman girl “so drunk” last night

Freshman girl “so drunk” last night

Emory University freshman Kelli Horne of Blue Ridge, Tennessee, was “absolutely wasted” last night, Torch reporters have unintentionally learned. The information was made available last week to any member of the press within earshot of her Saturday afternoon “breakfast” gathering at the DUC.

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Giant panda to join Emory faculty

Giant panda to join Emory faculty

She will join such eminent figures as President Jimmy Carter, CNN’s Sanjay Gupta, and the Dalai Lama, all of whom are famous enough to educate students without ever setting foot inside a classroom.

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Maggie’s begins scrutinizing IDs, goes out of business

Maggie’s begins scrutinizing IDs, goes out of business

Maggie's, located for 20 years in the posh Toco Hills strip mall, will officially close its doors on November 3 of this year. Among those mourning the loss of the local landmark are 4,000 Emory University undergrads, none of whom have ever patronized another bar.

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