Posts Tagged ‘ Sex ’

Ugly, boring British student to record 1,000th sexual conquest

Ugly, boring British student to record 1,000th sexual conquest

Experts say the young man, whose cartoonish overbite and overwhelming awkwardness make Napoleon Dynamite look like a Lotharian paragon of masculine sexuality, has defied all of the genetic disadvantages cruelly imposed on him by centuries of reckless British inbreeding.

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I Hate The Internet: Craigslist

I Hate The Internet: Craigslist

The internet is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it helps to connect people who might otherwise be alone in the world (people who believe themselves to be dragons, for example). It helps a guy in Amsterdam selling used ladies' underwear find an enthusiastic business man in Japan. It even...

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Fraternity donates couch to sperm bank

Fraternity donates couch to sperm bank

Arriving late yesterday afternoon in a rented U-Haul with a very special creamy center, the young men surprised the clinic with a couch still damp from the festivities of the previous evening. "We're pretty sure this is the jizziest couch we had," said one brother. "There are some wet spots that are still drying,...

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Flexicon: The Football System

Flexicon: The Football System

The Football System. That's right. A sport even more worthy of becoming a sexual metaphor than one symbolized by sticks, balls, and hulking men waiting pants-less in bathroom stalls for their trainer to inject something into their butts. We've appropriated some of the best-known football lingo so that you and your...

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Freshman girl “so drunk” last night

Freshman girl “so drunk” last night

Emory University freshman Kelli Horne of Blue Ridge, Tennessee, was “absolutely wasted” last night, Torch reporters have unintentionally learned. The information was made available last week to any member of the press within earshot of her Saturday afternoon “breakfast” gathering at the DUC.

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